


American Psycho: Passion Fruit Flavored

by Hitlertheduck



Category: American Psycho - All Media Types
Genre: Other, Read this and you'll live longer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28166346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hitlertheduck/pseuds/Hitlertheduck
Summary: Patrick Bateman plans to kill Paul Allen in his apartment but things go much differently then expected. If you don't read this then nothing will happen, but you'll wake up next morning and be in a slightly worse mood than usual.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	American Psycho: Passion Fruit Flavored

Patrick led Paul Allen into his apartment like a true gentleman. Paul entered through the door and looked around to scope out the place. Pretty much everything was covered in plastic wrap, from the couch to the TV. Even the floor had newspapers covering its appearance. 

Paul paid this no mind and sat down on Patrick’s plastic wrapped couch while Patrick smiled a quirky smile and pulled out one of his favorite albums from one of his favorite bands of all time.

“Do you like Huey Lewis and the News?” asked Patrick in a cheerful, sing songy way.

“They’re ok” said Paul in a pretty, casual, lazy way.

Patrick began skipping across his apartment, leaving rainbows across his wake while continuing to chat up his guest.

“Their early work was a bit too new wave for my taste, but when Sports came out in 83, that’s when I think they really came into their own. Both commercially and artistically” said Patrick while he breakdanced across to his bathroom.

Patrick then entered through his magnificent looking lavatory, put on his finest looking raincoat, and continued gushing about his favorite band. “The whole album has a clear crisp sound and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost.”

Patrick then popped a pill into his mouth, he then followed up that action by taking a sip of water to wash it down. He cheerfully grabbed an axe from across the room and began moonwalking out of the bathroom.

“He’s been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think that Huey has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor” said Patrick while he placed his axe down on the floor.

“Hey Halberstein” called out Paul

“Yes Allen?” requested Patrick.

“Why are there copies of the styles section all over the place? Do you have a dog? A little chow or something?” joked Paul

”No Allen” said Patrick abruptly.

Patrick then buttoned up his raincoat and began strutting down like a fashion model.

Allen looked over and asked “hey is that a raincoat?”

Patrick cheerfully responded by saying “why, yes it is.”

Patrick then shuffled over towards his stereo and continued chatting up Paul. He switched on his stereo and continued his fan monologue. “In 87, Huey released this, For! their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is Hip To Be Square, a song so catchy that most people probably don’t listen to the lyrics”

Patrick then danced over to where his axe was and continued with “but they should, because its not just about the pleasures of conformity and the importance of trends, but it’s also a personal statement about the band itself” 

Patrick raised his axe up in the air and then yelled out the words “HEY PAUL!”

Paul then looked back and saw that Patrick was coming at him with an axe, so he fired his red heat vision from his eyes and hit the axe dead on. Black ashes fell to the ground as Patrick held nothing in his hands now.

Patrick was shocked at what just happened, but then he switched from being shocked to being FUCKING PISSED OFF and jumped at Paul in an attempt to tackle him but Paul just used his Buddist Palm Strike martial arts on Patrick’s chest several times. This caused Patrick to go flying back several feet until he made a crater in the wall. 

Paul then inhaled a gust of air and blew a burst of freezing cold air at Patrick, causing him to be encased in a frozen block of ice.

Paul then curled his lips and released a gust of orange-red firebreath from his mouth onto Patrick. 

Patrick’s skin began melting off while Paul repeatedly punched Patrick in the face while yelling “TRY KILLING ME IN YOUR APARTMENT NOW YOU STUPID FUCKING BASTARD!”

Paul then grabbed at Patrick’s arms and tore them out of their sockets, causing Patrick to yell out in pain and for large gusts of blood to erupt from both stubs. Paul then bent Patrick over and shoved them up his ass, causing Patrick a great deal of pain and misery.

Paul then grabbed Patrick by his $500 tie, began whirling his whole body around in the air for about 5 minutes, before throwing Patrick out the window. Patrick then landed on the cold hard pavement down below, his last thoughts being depression at not getting a membership to Dorsia.

Paul viewed Patrick’s dead body and said “I have to go now, my planet needs me”

Paul then pointed both of his arms up into the air and flew into space, with the intent to go back to his home planet.


End file.
